‘Twas the nut before Christmas, the last treat of the night,

            That yummy snack snuck once your kids are out of sight,

Not a PC was running, nor a pad beneath one mouse,

            Not an iPhone was ringing throughout the still house;

The children were snoozing, well-bred and well-fed,

            Each one tucked snugly into their soft bed,

The parents were done with the cooking and the tree,

            And suddenly found themselves blessedly free.

So they grabbed a gold bag, with no ifs, ands, or buts,

            And began to indulge in My Buddy’s Nuts,

With no one to scold them for grabbing a few,

            They were shocked to discover their appetites grew;

Their happiness swelled as their will-power did flag,

           And in no time flat those two had emptied the bag,

Swearing soon to exercise their muscles, abs and core,

            They contemplated finishing just one bag more.

But then from the front lawn their came such a clatter,

            That the parents both realized they’d no time to get fatter,

They jumped to their feet and they ran to the window,

            To figure out what it was that was below;

And there they beheld on the snow-covered grass,

            A chubby, white-bearded man, full of charm and sass,

He wagged his round finger, shook his head to and fro,

            And looked at our snack and he called, “NO, NO, NO!”

“Don’t eat those pecans, you must leave some for me!

            ‘Cuz I’m sick of the foods folks set out, by their tree,

“No more candy canes, please, no more cookies and milk,

            I’m so tired of those carbs and their sugary ilk!

“No one ever gives Santa the foods that I want,

            What you’re eating right now just seems like a taunt,

“Pecans on my plate would heal deep emotional rifts,

            Then I’d be tempted to give your kids better gifts!”

So we threw on our coats and we hustled and hurried

           And out of our house, we quite quickly scurried,

We extended three bags of delectable nuts,

            To help him get out of his Christmas Eve ruts;

More crunchy, more spicy, more fresh than he’d dreamed,

            He polished them off, then he smiled and he screamed:

“Those were incredible! They make me wanna strut!

            Merry Christmas to all!  And to all a good nut!”